Jim Thyme...

Today at the gym I G&L'd. For those of you who have not ever G&L'd, let me tell you what it is: It's when you think you're going to fart (but well aware of the fact it could be more than that), so you Gamble. And then you Lose. And shit your pants.

I was running on the treadmill and I ALMOST lost it. I was letting a fart slip and it felt wet, so I instantly pulled back. Moments later the urge came again, but you know how after you almost shit your pants it resides a little? Well, I thought it had and i tried to let the second phase slide out slowly so as to keep myself from dropping bombs in the gym. Slowly the gas started to escape...but my god it was hot. Like to the point that it was burning a little. But I kept letting it go until all the gas had escaped from my bowels and then I returned to running at a full pace. That's when I noticed that my ass was still burning. And I also started to notice a smell. The smell you notice after a heavy night of drinking and eating shitty food. You know, the smell of diarrhea. It would come, then go, then come and then go...all the while, my ass still burning.

This is when I decided I had probably shit my pants. And sure enough, I had. Man, nothing like walking into the gym, getting on the treadmill for all of 7 minutes before hitting the showers and leaving...especially when you've already spent a fair amount of time talking to the cute girl at the front desk.